Days 24-25-26-27: it's happening

I have been doing pretty good. I was able to adjust my diet to my new work schedule (10-hour shifts require more food at work less at home!) and it's been going pretty well.

I am now realizing how real it all is.

Thursday night (day 26) I had an anxiety attack. Reason? I panicked over possibly not waking up from surgery and dying. Seems absurd but that's what anxiety does: it takes over. It all started because my boyfriend is not sure to be able to get off work that day and my mind totally lost it. Completely. Anxiety takes over and you become totally disconnected from reality and rational thinking. In my mind this was the last time I was seeing him and I was going to die. When clearly it could potentially happen (we are never 100% sure how we will react to surgery and anesthesia, etc) but I will be monitored from the moment I walk in to the hospital in the morning til the moment I get out. And it's not like it's the first time they do this.

However on a lighter note today I picked up my anticoagulant. This made me realize it's really real. There are just 5 days left. I'm ready. I think? 

 I will have to inject myself once daily for 7 days to prevent any blood clots. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to do this but we will take it one step at a time.

I'm also coming down with a cold or something like that. I felt fine all day until my throat started feeling scratchy and now I'm coughing and my nose is leaking. Because everybody needs a cold 5 days before getting surgery in the middle of the summer right?

5 more days of dieting. It's weird. I don't know what I wil eat after surgery. I've been away from everything I would normally eat that it's weird to imagine eating anything else but Nutribar shakes. I have a feeling I will continue eating like I eat now.

gabythegirlnextdoor