Day 19: defeat

I was having a good day today. Although I ate meat again (I promised myself I won't as of that moment) I felt good and ready to tackle the day's tasks. 

I went back on the shake diet and I was feeling happy. 

Then I get an email from my sister: the hospital called. They left a message. They have to reschedule your surgery. The surgeon has an emergency. Call them back.

My heart sank. I look at the time. 5pm. I know they're gone for the day but I try anyway. No answer. Tears are now welling up in my eyes. 4 years. I waited for 4 years and I finally get the green light, only to be stopped. I felt terrible. I know I can't give up at this point and I know it can't be that bad and most people (or all people) would just tell me to chill out. But this feels like a defeat. Waiting for 4 years, and the journey had so many bumps and so many downs that one would wonder why I persevered. 11 days left (I've been counting down religiously, crossing out each day on my calendar) and now you will possibly add more? How many? I then started crying. I bowed my head and cried quietly at my desk at work. I collect myself and keep working until my break until I call my boyfriend and the water-dam breaks. He was worried something had happened to me as I was sobbing on the phone. But he knew how to cheer me up. By reminding me everything I had gone through to attain this milestone. I can't quit. And I can certainly not make any decisions until I get to speak with the hospital. He's right. 

I finally get home and my dad makes me listen to the message. That's right. They need to push back my surgery. What am I going to tell my boss? What am I going to tell my mom who took the day off work specifically for my surgery? I run up to my room and call my mom.

Well it turns out the hospital called her too. I guess because I put her down as the person accompanying me the day of the surgery. She had a conversation with the secretary and confirmed my new surgery date for august 7th, 3 days later. I take in everything my mom is telling me and I appreciate that she even took to my defence when the secretary told her. I apologize to her and she's all relaxed and already switched her vacation day and does everything to alleviate my anxiety. It worked. 

It's only 3 more days and it was meant to be. Maybe to make up for the "meatscapades"? Who knows. I know that starting immediately I'm following this diet straighter than an arrow! Not that I was doing anything so wrong it was totally jeopardizing my surgery but I know I can put back in all the effort I had put at the beginning. 

So let's calm down. Take a deep breath. It will all be ok. I get surgery on august 7th. That's how it's going to be. Everything will work out just fine. 

gabythegirlnextdoor