I did my very best. It was going great. Day 6 was real good and I was really into the whole diet thing, watching everything I was doing, being careful, focusing on my main goal.
Day 7 came by... And I slipped.
Not that bad but still...
Everything was going well. I was following everything to the "T". My boyfriend came over we went to the pool and I tanned a bit then we went to his geanother's for supper. His family is 1000% supportive and went all out to help me (fixing me a salad, setting out a sparkling water for me). But they were having pasta and I was having salad. I was totally fine, I swear. But I was explaining what I could and could not eat and I said "I miss Nonnina's sauce". And I said I could probably just dip my fork in the sauce to "taste". But I was kind of tempted to go a bit further and I had one noodle. Just one. And I know it's not that bad. I'm not guilt-tripping over one noodle.
But then came the meatball. I swear it was only one. But the guilt I felt afterwards... Especially when I was watching the bowl of sausages with more meatballs being carried away to be put away... The feeling was scary.
Then I found myself wanting more meat.
That's when it went bad.
My boyfriend and I returned to his parents' house and we stopped by the convenience store to pick up sparkling water, and I bought myself dried pepperoni sticks. I couldn't wait until I was back home to chow down the first. Then came the second... And later that night I had two more.
I can't even begin to tell you the feeling I felt after eating the meat. I had these visions in my head that I was at the hospital on the day of the surgery and being wheeled out of the room being told I didn't get operated today... And each pepperoni came to mind.
It sounds so silly. You would think "ok, it's not that bad! It's just one time!" But to me it still feels like a failure. I was going to do it the right way and I didn't.
I've been on the "shake" diet for all of these days (personal preference. I have more choice that way and I feel more full). I did notice that the moment I put food in my mouth I don't feel the "hunger" in my stomach. My brain is starting to break the idea that "hungry means stuffing myself up". I can eat a simple slice of cheese and feel fine. Or a bite or two of salad and feel ok. I eat the whole portion because I know that if I don't I'll feel hungry within the hour but I now realize the distinction between being "hungry" and being "HUNGRY!!!" The latter happens in the morning, around noon and later in the evening if I didn't have a full supper, which consists of my shake with either a vegetable salad or my chicken broth with cheese.
Although I slipped I am still proud of myself for pursuing my journey and "picking up where I left off" as if nothing ever happened. I haven't found myself to slip since Saturday (day 7). I feel good. I exercised today (went swimming) and I plan on going every day this week.
I don't really notice much change yet, besides my chest area being more "loose"... In the sense that I can lay down on my back and be able to touch my throat without having my breasts go all the way down to my face (sorry... Big boobs problems)...
I realize we can all make mistakes. But what matters is what you make of those mistakes and how you come around them. I've got the best support system in the world. (Honestly, you all know who you are. I wouldn't be where I am without all of you!!!)
gabythegirlnextdoor
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