Back from the death: let's resuscitate this blog!

Guys,

It's been so long since I've posted here. I think about it everyday but I found myself to be weak and discouraged. I feel like I don't have anything good to say!

So much has happened but at the same time nothing has happened. Does that make sense? 

I find that I have done really poorly in documenting my journey and I want to change that as of right now.

No more secrets. I'm all in!

I want to post as often as possible and be 100% honest about this journey: it's no rosey fairytale. I find that I have mostly posted the ups and the good parts in the past and kept the really bad side of my weightloss journey either completely out of my posts, or somewhat concealed. And I apologize for this as I know it's totally wrong. It's as good as posting a before and after picture and saying I got those results by taking a miracle weightloss pill.

From this moment on I promise to share the good, the bad and the ugly whenever I post. I do have a busy life as I work a full time job but I need to update this and keep a journal of my progress for myself as much as for anyone else out there embarking on this journey.

So tonight I leave you with this little update.

As of July 1st 2015 I am now back officially under the 350lbs mark. Before then I had been following a workout routine which consisted of 25 minutes of cardio 4 days a week + maintaining and reaching a daily goal of 5000 steps monitored with my Fitbit Flex. I followed a daily diet under 2000 calories. 

Since July 1st I have fell off the wagon. I've been going through a lot in my personal life and haven't had much stability so this impacted my diet and exercise. I have had blockage 3-4 times from overeating. Mostly due to meats and bread. I try to eat balanced meals when at work but when I am home I easily have access to junk food such as pizza, cakes, candies... 

I desperately want to go back on the right path. I had been used to living a certain lifestyle for so long that I now feel unbalanced and I am not comfortable living this way. I want to eat better, whole foods and steer clear of the bad stuff. 

I was actually pleased with myself tonight. I made my dinner and my lunch, as I used to do in the past, and it consisted of one portion of lean meat (ground horse mixed with Kirkland pesto), one portion of mixed wild rice blend (boiled with fat free chicken broth, salt, pepper, butter) and broccoli and cauliflower (steamed and seasoned with garlic salt and butter). It's not 100% healthy but so much better than pizza right? It actually felt good to eat "normal" again.

gabythegirlnextdoor 

6 months post-op: struggles

February 7th marked 6 months since my surgery. I can't say I've done really good but I've lost a total of 11lbs since surgery. That's not to be looked over as it is progress but not as good as I anticipated.  

I started off this journey at 377lbs last February and lost 14 lbs by the time I was operated. That's a total of 24lbs. It's a slow journey but I'm the only one to blame.

I've started this new year with a goal in mind: to finally reach my first milestone of 329lbs. I'm not far but it feels like a huge mountain to climb. 

To achieve that goal I set myself some rules: eat consciously and excercise. It's been going ok so far. But then I hurt my back last week and set aside my workout til I felt better. Somehow I fell off the wagon with food as well! What the heck! So this week I eased myself back into my workout routine by starting with 15 minutes rather than my usual intense 25 mins. 

As for food... Well this week has been a problem. I'm probably beating myself over nothing but this week's been pretty bad so far. Overeating (based on how much I can actually eat now with the band, not based on a regular person) and mostly attracted to the bad stuff (I've had junk food... And lots of it.) 

I know I can't dwell on the past and all that matters is what I do from now on but I can't help thinking about my next appointment and weighing myself and I'm afraid of what these numbers will tell me! I want to feel like I can do something and succeed at it! I want to know that I worked really hard and got results. And I know that "stuffing my face" won't make that happen. I'm well aware of that.

Besides that my anxiety as been through the roof lately with bits of insomnia and panic attacks here and there. I just want to sleep for days in a row and not have to worry about anything. (Perhaps it's time for a checkup with my doctor...)

So as I'm typing I keep looking back on top to the graph showing my weightloss and yeah I have to admit it looks pretty good. But can you possibly help feeling like you should've achieved more? I never thought that this would be a miracle cure or an overnight change: never in a million years. But I did expect better results and more "willpower" from myself. I thought I was "better than that". 

I guess I'm just in a slump feeling negative about it all and I hope I get pass this as soon as possible. I really look forward to feeling like I used to feel weeks ago about my weightloss journey. I was really proud and ready to conquer it all. Right now I just feel bummed out.

Until next time,

gabythegirlnextdoor 

Changes - mini update

Hello to all!

I am giving myself a slap on the hand for not updating you on my weightloss journey. Some may already follow me on Instagram and Facebook but for those who don't here are my updates!

Since December 3rd I have lost 1 pound. That is all. I went through the holidays, cheated left and right with food (and the sweets! Oh God the sweets!) but as of January 1st something changed. I decided to start exercising, and tracking my footsteps daily (5k step objective per day).

Not much at first but I started with 15 minutes of light cardio, in intervals of 5,4,3,2 and 1 minute (for a total of 15 mins), every 2 days, with the help of an interval timer app I found on the iPhone App Store. Nothin crazy you can just do a quick search and you can find any of your liking. It was simply so I didn't have to waste time playing with my iPhone timer every minute.

Since last week I bumped it up to 25 minutes 4 times a week. Ideally I'd like to do 4 consecutive days, or two days and one day rest but haven't gotten the chance so far since I got my band filled yesterday. I am now at 4.5cc. My doctor wanted to put more but when he made me drink water it wouldn't go down so he took some out. Hopefully with my steps, excercise and watching my food I should be able to see some actual results by my next appointment (6 weeks from now).

That's pretty much it! Wanted to make it short and sweet and hoping to deliver better results (so I can reach my first milestone and reward myself with the FitBit Aria scale!)

gabythegirlnextdoor